HOLISTIC; adjective /hōˈlistik/ Characterized by comprehension of the parts of something as intimately interconnected and explicable only by reference to the whole Characterized by the treatment of the whole person, taking into account mental and social factors, rather than just the physical symptoms of a disease In the past, a school teacher may have said that a child who misbehaved in the classroom was a “bad seed” or a “rotten apple”. Now there is broad understanding that when kids act out in school, the behavior is probably indicative of something going on in the home. Additionally, the teacher knows that it’s … Continue reading
Margo didn’t really want therapy for herself. She had called about her 23 year-old son, Stephan. She was hoping I’d see him for therapy to help “straighten him out”. I told her I don’t work with kids that age if they are still living at home and financially dependent on their parents, which was the case with Stephan. I suggested if Margo wanted to help her son, she could consider coming in for sessions herself; if she addressed her behavior in relation to Stephan, maybe things would improve. She was doubtful, but agreed. Once in therapy, Margo disclosed her feelings … Continue reading
Category Children, Divorce, Parenting, Parents, Relationships
Tags Autonomy, Children, conflict, Emotional Triangles, Families, Responsibility
Yesterday was a perfect day. My son was home from college for Thanksgiving. We made plans to spend the afternoon together and he asked if his 10 year-old brother (from his father’s second marriage) could join us. As he knew I would, I jumped at the opportunity for some Modern Family-style togetherness. I like spending time with my ex’s kids-it assuages my guilt about “breaking up” the family, plus I just plain like the kids. I also enjoy seeing my son be the big brother in a protective, nurturing way, versus the teasing-torturing older sibling he becomes with my daughter, his full younger … Continue reading
Category Children, Divorce, Families, Relationships, Siblings, Stepfamilies
Shayna is 32 years old and attending her first therapy appointment. She’s decided to enter therapy because she’s been feeling depressed and lethargic. She reports that she’s avoiding her friends and not participating in the activities she used to enjoy. She’s also gained about 25 pounds which has her really upset. She knows it would help to exercise but she just can’t get motivated. During the intake process Shayna shares she she’s been divorced for two years. When the therapist asks about the reasons for the divorce, Shayna says, “I guess we just grew apart. We didn’t share the same … Continue reading
Category Children, Couples, Divorce, Individuals, Marriage, Relationships, Siblings, Therapy
Tags Autonomy, Conflict, Dependency, Emotional Distance, Emotional Triangles, Functioning, Therapist
The term emotional system refers to any group of people who have developed interdependencies to the point where the resulting system through which they are connected (administratively, physically, or emotionally) has evolved its own principles of organization.__A family emotional system includes the members’ thoughts, feelings, emotions, fantasies, and associations, their past connections individually and together. It includes their physical makeup, genetic heritage, and current metabolic states. It involves their sibling positions and their parents’ sibling positions. The essential characteristic of systems thinking is that the functioning of any part of the network is due to its position in the network … Continue reading
